When I’m in the process of making a purchase, I often take a step back to observe the experience from a broader perspective. I enjoy analyzing the interactions between the parties involved and their overall approach to the exchange. Unfortunately, I’ve noticed that many sales processes involve lies and manipulation just to close the deal. This often leaves me questioning whether ethical sales are even possible. However, I also recall positive sales experiences where both parties genuinely looked out for each other, aiming for a mutually beneficial outcome.

A recent trip abroad highlighted the negative side of sales for me. While shopping for souvenirs, I encountered several shops selling essentially the same items. The first shopkeeper was incredibly friendly and had a well-rehearsed sales pitch, claiming that his family hand-made the items. I almost believed him until I visited other shops with identical products and similar stories. Each shop had its own gimmick, but it became clear that honesty was not a priority—they were willing to say anything to make a sale.

In this case, I was clearly being lied to. The shopkeepers used these lies to manipulate me into thinking I was buying something unique, when in reality, they were deceiving me. Interestingly, I believe the shopkeepers thought they were acting ethically according to their own standards. They seemed to believe that the most valuable thing they could offer a tourist was a good story and experience, even if it was fabricated. While I don’t agree with their ethics, it raises an important point: many sales interactions lack a universal standard of honesty and truthfulness.

Let’s define that most interactions are, in essence, sales interactions. The currency and dynamics may change, but a sale is happening in all interactions. This perspective broadens our understanding of when a “sale” occurs and why lies and manipulation might be at play. It could lead to despair, thinking all interactions are destined to involve deceit, but I believe there’s a better way.

Can sales be conducted without lies and manipulation? I believe they can and should be free of lies, but manipulation is a more complex issue.

A lie is a false statement made with the deliberate intent to deceive. While definitions can vary, the key element is the intent to deceive. Generally, we expect and desire that sales interactions do not include lies.

Manipulation, however, is more nuanced. There is unethical manipulation, where lies are used to deceive someone for personal gain. But there are also positive forms of manipulation.

Consider when you’re trying to help someone see what you see. You might point out visual cues, adjust their perspective, or guide them to a better angle. In leadership, we often do the same. We know where someone wants to go and where we need them to go, and we guide them accordingly. This is a form of manipulation, but it’s done with good intentions.

An internal story about an expensive hammer illustrates this. One of our engineers needed a hammer at a client’s site but had forgotten his tool bag. Instead of buying a new hammer from a nearby store, he drove two hours to retrieve his own. During our debrief, I helped him see the bigger picture of costs involved. This required manipulating his perspective to understand the true cost of his decision. We now use this story to train new team members on cost management.

The key to ethical manipulation is mutual agreement and beneficial intent. When I visit my chiropractor, I agree that my spine needs to be manipulated for alignment. When learning a new subject, I agree that my perspective may need to be adjusted. In both cases, the professional guides me through the necessary steps.

In sales, we start by asking a lot of questions. Sometimes, the prospect knows exactly what they need, and our role is simply to affirm their path. More often, they lack some knowledge or don’t know what they don’t know. Here, we act as consultants, providing insights and solutions. This process involves ethical manipulation to align the prospect’s needs, wants, and possibilities. Both parties agree on the process, making it ethical.

This approach builds trust, as both parties understand and look out for each other’s best interests. Ethical manipulation becomes a tool for creating alignment and mutual benefit.

Transactional sales may not justify lengthy conversations, but the principles remain the same. For example, a salesperson might suggest a shirt that better meets your needs, providing additional benefits. Ethical manipulation in these cases can turn transactional sales into relationship-based interactions, benefiting both parties.

What do you think? Can sales be done without lies? Is there a place for ethical manipulation? We’d love to hear your thoughts and explore how we might build a mutually beneficial relationship. If you’d like to connect with us, click here to contact us.